


Cardinal, Oh Cardinal, City Of Paper And Ink

by Hierophantastic



Category: A Practical Guide to Evil - erraticerrata
Genre: Akua is the Headmistress of Cardinal Academy, Black is Emperor of Praes, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I don't really have a clear timeline for how long after canon this is, I lied, Married Couple, Not Canon Compliant, Out of Character, Post-Canon, Queen Catherin of Cardinal, The Woe are retired, Viv is Queen of Callow, a couple years at least, and work at a school, its not really a high-school AU, probably, the high-school AU you know you don't need, yet are gonna read anyway due to the hiatus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:41:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21563932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hierophantastic/pseuds/Hierophantastic
Summary: After the civil wars, after the crusades, after Catherine Foundling and her allies had beaten down men, Fae, Angels, turned the Dead King into another dead king, and bound Calernia with ink and paper, she built a city.Sometimes, she wishes she was still fighting immortals. Things were easier back then.
Relationships: Amadeus/Hye, Catherine Foundling/Akua Sahelian, Masego/Indrani
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	Cardinal, Oh Cardinal, City Of Paper And Ink

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Diary,  
> I met the Queen today. She was surprisingly short. I think I might have offended her when I said that.
> 
> -Excerpt from the diary of Diana Jones, a citizen of Cardinal

“Let me get this straight.” Akua shuffled the stack of papers in front of her, maintaining eye-contact with the student in front of her. “You have been repeatedly warned about the fact that racism, speciesism, sexism, and any other type of discrimination will not be tolerated at this school. 

“Similarly, you have cast that warning into the wind, repeatedly, harassing your fellow students in the form of name-calling and bullying, and finally went as far as to insult a goblin student a year lower than you for ‘green-skinned monster spawn, who should just go and kill itself already’.”

She leaned forward, her perfectly sculpted brows inclined the slightest bit in a frown, and if Ronald had known the Headmistress a little better, he would’ve recognized that as a danger sign.

“Does that sound familiar, Ronald?” Ronald shrugged in answer, his chair balancing on its two back legs.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That’s what they say, right? I never touched the little rat.” He said that last part with a disgusted sneer, as if the mere thought of touching a green-skin made his skin shiver.

Akua Sahelian, Heiress, Doom of Liesse, Shade in the Mantle, Advisor Kivule, and, most recently, Headmistress of Cardinal Academy, chuckled, and somewhere in the world babies started crying.

“Oh, it’s delightful how _wrong_ you are.” Incomprehension was visible in the brat’s eyes. “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but with a few choice words I can bind your soul to a shovel and put you to use in a pigsty. Although, Catherine might be… slightly miffed. I’m sure she’d understand, but it would be so much _paperwork.”_ She sighed in disappointment, yet inwardly revelled in the boy’s scared expression.

“I guess we’ll just have to settle for a public apology and a week-long suspension. This is your final warning. Next time it's expulsion. Is that clear?”

“A _week!?”_ But-” he protested immediately, his arrogance resurfacing.

“Do you really want to get rid off your soul that badly? I suppose Cat’s cloak must have gotten awfully lonely since she let me out, and I can _definitely_ see the appeal in it, but I doubt she’d want _you_ draped around her shoulders.” she wrinkled her nose. “Really, the only fitting vessel I can think of would be manure, but the difference wouldn’t even be worth the effort,” Akua mused to herself, loud enough for Ronald to hear her. His expression of outrage morphed back into fear.

“Yes, Ma’am. I’ll apologize,” he affirmed.

Akua smiled a perfect smile, and it might be a beautiful one, but it was definitely not a kind one. She really loved her job. Her smile turned to a frown as she noticed the Archer enter the heavily warded building, back from one of her many adventures. That was bound to become a headache. She always had a habit of letting Masego indulge in his more... Praesi side.

* * *

The class was full, as all of Masego’s classes were. He was giving a reading on Devils, Demons, and other summonings. 

“-and that is why paper and ink is one of the most effective weapons against Fae. Any questions?” A student raised her hand. “Yes…, you?”

“What about Demons, sir?”

“What about Demons? We don’t summon them,” he answered.

“But _why_ not?” she inquired. Masego wrinkled his brow, cloth shifting over his glowing eyes.

“Because they’re stupid and mess up all of your research. And reality.”

“And it’s against the Liesse Accords,” another student added. Masego turned to face her.

“The what now?” he asked.

“...The Liesse Accords?” Hmm. Nope, didn’t ring a bell. “The contract Queen Catherine Foundling created that allowed for the creation of this city?”

Masego thought a little longer, until it him. “Oooh, that thing! So she did get around to doing it then. I’d always wondered. Now then, back to the not-summoning of Demons-”

“ZEZE!” Ah, it would seem Indrani was back.

The Archer threw open the doors and entered the class running, her scarf fluttering behind her. Masego briefly frowned disapprovingly at the mud she left in her wake, before he was wrapped up in a hug. Her hands went through his hair, making every effort to untangle his braids.

“Good day, Indrani,” he greeted her. Indrani smiled at him, radiant as always. She seemed as bright as the sun. Had someone ever measured the sun’s brightness? Probably, but it couldn’t hurt to do it again. Maybe it changed. He really should-

“Hey, Zeze. I brought gifts.” Ah, another thing he liked about Indrani. She always knew how to keep his attention. Out of a cloth bag she took a statue of a female figure. Her hands were spread apart and a shawl was lain over her shoulders, with veil covering her face. 

Masego could see the magic coming off of it. He took it from Indrani eagerly, presenting it to the class.

"Now, class, this statue is clearly enchanted, but first, what does it depict?" His eyes scanned the room, falling eventually upon a boy in the back, his hand raised slightly. "You, in the back." 

Th orc in the back straightened his notes. "It seems to be a depiction of the Veiled Woman, a figure of repentance for those who pray to Above, but it could also be the Damning Heretic, who cursed the priests out of jealousy."

Masego nodded approvingly. "Indeed. As you can see-" Which they couldn't. Mortal eyes were so fallible. "As you can tell after you did the right research, there is powerful magic bound to this statue. According to the Trismegistan theory-"

Another boy in the back raise his hand in question. Masego rolled his eyes and let him speak.

"But sir, if it's a religious figure, wouldn't it be better to use Jaquinite theory?"

What.

_What._

"You want me to stab him?" 'Drani asked by his side. Gods below, he loved her.

* * *

"Hye stabbed a man today."

"Hm. Did anything interesting happen, though?"

Catherine's father looked lost in thought, on the other side of the bowl of water. When he spoke, his voice was weary, as if he carried mountains on his shoulder. "No, it's just- Sometimes, I see Hye, and our daughter, and little Sabah is just... smiling, while Hye is gleefully choopping this guy apart." A frown passed over his face. "He deserved it of course. Said that our Sabah had a big nose. But it makes me think. Am I- Am I a bad man, daughter?"

Catherine looked at her father his pale skin, green eyes, and dark hair giving a completely inaccurate reflection of his age, and filled her eyes with as much disappointment as she could muster. "Yes," the Queen of Cardinal said. "A very bad man, with a terrible sense of humour."

Her father sighed. "Here I am, laying my insecurities bare, and you insult me. Truly, Catherine, does family mean nothing to you? You wound me."

Catherine dropped her head in her hands. "Please stop talking, because your sarcasm is much too blatant and I think I might have lost my taste for it."

"I am an Emperor, surrounded by jesters and the subject of all jokes. And now even my own flesh and blood is joining the circus."

"This is starting to sound suspiciously like a monologue. And I'm not your flesh and blood. I'm much more handsome."

That got a laugh out of him. He smiled through the water and changed the subject. "And what about you? You know, I've been wondering what it's like to be grandfather, what with my age going up."

"Oh shut it, you don't look a day over thirty. And we're fine on this side."

"Really? Doesn't that large palace of yours feel a little empty, with your wife always away? You would be surprised how much the sound of little feet running around could lift your mood."

Catherine sighed. "Akua is not 'always away', as you put it. She is not even an hour's walk from here. I don't need a child, father."

"But do you _want_ a child?"

"I've got a pet already."

"Undead Fae horses are no substitute for children, Catherine. Hakram agrees with me, you know."

Did he now, Catherine thought. That damn traitor.

"Says he'd like to be uncle."

"Hakram has already adopted most of the Royal Guard. He is not allowed to complain about a lack of babies to take care of." Okay, maybe the Royal Guard weren't _all_ incompetent children, but it felt like it sometimes if you saw how her Adjutant treated them.

If anything, Hakram needed a child.

"Good day, father," Catherine said, bluntly ending the discussion. "I'm going out for a walk."

"Very well. And if you meet an angsty teen in an alley, give them a knife!"

Catherine let out one last, long sigh rubbing her temple dramatically so the old man knew exactly what kind of effect he had on her, and cut the connection.

She misses the days where she had to fight immortals. It was much less embarrasing back then.


End file.
